The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
