you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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