i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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