walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
