i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
