If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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