Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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She bit a glass in half.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
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Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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