I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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