i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
