they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
