I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
