what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
