went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
