I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
