I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
