i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know her cup size but not her name....
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