First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
