Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
