Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
