We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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