The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
