Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
