You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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