I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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