Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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