explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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