you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
