I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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