No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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