i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
