I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
