Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
