can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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