I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
