I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
