I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
