you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
