If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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