If i come over, it means nothing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
