I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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