Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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