I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
