I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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