in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
