He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I deserve this hangover.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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