My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
