i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
