put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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