where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
