wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
