how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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