these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
