There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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