I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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