No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
