dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
