Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
