I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
