i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
