The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
