U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
