There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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