morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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