is your mom at the bar?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
