If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
