so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
