What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
