i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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