I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
