we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
