Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
