Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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