nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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