Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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