I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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