we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
