I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
